Feeling Pain….What do You Do?

 

In watching the way people respond to pain, difficulties and challenges, there is one thing we all have in common – and that is aversion to sitting in an uncomfortable place. When the going gets tough we simply want to run. Perhaps part of that nature is related to our limbic system and the fight or flight reactions we display when we feel threatened.

But as spiritual students this cannot be a justification for our behavior because – if we know in our souls that there is only One God – how is it possible that we can be threatened by anything or anyone? In other words – at some point in time, our spiritual consciousness must supersede our reptilian brain’s dream of separation.

The truth is that no one has died of emotional pain or difficult circumstances. Yet, we often feel so uncomfortable that we’re compelled to put into action dozens of habit behaviors that we have cultivated over the years to make ourselves feel safe.

Some of those actions might be: busying behaviors (burying ourselves in work, repetitively cleaning the house, keeping the TV on to not hear ourselves think, etc), addictive and zoning-out behaviors (drinking, drugs, sex, etc), and/or defensive behaviors (blaming, accusing, pushing people away, seeking friends to align with our point of view, etc).

When we take the time to simply sit with the way we’re feeling, with all our anger, fears, resentments, frustrations and angst, we come to a place of acceptance of what we are experiencing. We recognize that it doesn’t feel pleasant – as no fear-based emotions feel “good” – but at the same time we see that our feelings are not bad things, they are indicators of the point of view we are approaching life from, how we are thinking and perceiving.

Armed with this realization we can look forward to our pain as it is the perfect alarm system to alert us that a change has to be made in our lives. First and foremost the change that needs to be made is inside of us, and second, we make external changes if necessary.

It’s about cultivating a new relationship with pain – learning to not be afraid of it – to appreciate the value it has in our process of self-growth and awareness. If we can shift our point of view to see pain in this way, we’ll avoid many harmful behaviors that we sabotage ourselves with and we’ll be able to have more clarity around difficult situations. 

If we avoid sitting with our pain, then we avoid sitting with the situation and we’ll never have clarity or truth about the causation of our suffering.

 

                                                            

It’s critical that we develop the ability to sit still deeply within our feelings, honoring our process – and at the same time being able to have a sense of humor about the intricacies of life. Without a sense of humor, our spiritual path and life becomes dour, heavy and a burden to bear.

In addition, if we always see our pain as bad – we will feel guilty and punish ourselves for feeling that way, and that is not the place we want to be coming from. As spiritual beings I feel we are meant to be happy, live authentically and fully, and to explore who we are through our creative expression.

I encourage you to embrace your pain and stop suffering it. Perhaps from this point of view – no pain, no gain has some truth! See it, learn from it, move through it and finally – have gratitude for it!

 

Allen Tanner is a Chaplain and Crisis Counselor.  He is the founder and CEO of Chaplain & Counseling Services Inc. in Nashville. He is an inspirational and motivational speaker who speaks on a variety of topics. For more information contact Allen at: chaplaintanner@yahoo.com, www.chaplaintanner.blogspot.com

 

 

“Ducks Quack…Eagles Soar”

 

As I was preparing a presentation I came across a story that I had in my files that I would like to share with you.  It is my hope that it will inspire you to be like an eagle and soar above the crowd.

No one can make you serve others well – that’s because great serving is a choice. Harvey Mackay tells a wonderful story about a cab driver that proved this point. He was waiting in line for a ride at the airport. When a cab pulled up, the first thing Harvey noticed was that the taxi was polished to a bright shine. Smartly dressed in a white shirt, black tie, and freshly pressed black slacks, the cab driver jumped out and rounded the car to open the back passenger door for Harvey.

He handed my friend a laminated card and said: “Hello. I’m Wally, your driver. While I’m loading your bags in the trunk, I’d like you to read my mission statement.”

 

Taken aback, Harvey read the card. It said: Wally’s Mission Statement: To get my customers to their destination in the quickest, safest and cheapest way possible in a friendly environment. This blew Harvey away. Especially when he noticed that the inside of the cab matched the outside. Spotlessly clean!

As he slid behind the wheel, Wally said, “Would you like a cup of coffee? I have a thermos of regular and one of decaf.” My friend said jokingly, “No, I’d prefer a soft drink.” Wally smiled and said, “No problem. I have a cooler up front with regular and Diet Coke water and orange juice.” Amazed, Harvey said, “I’ll take a Diet Coke.”

Handing him his drink, Wally said, “If you’d like something to read, I have The Wall Street Journal, Time, Sports Illustrated and USA Today.” As they were pulling away, Wally handed my friend another laminated card, “These are the stations I get and the music they play, if you’d like to listen to the radio.

And as if that weren’t enough, Wally told Harvey that he had the air conditioning on and asked if the temperature was comfortable for him. Then he advised Harvey of the best route to his destination for that time of day. He also let him know that he’d be happy to chat and tell him about some of the sights or, if Harvey preferred, he would be quiet and leave him with his own thoughts.

“Tell me, Wally,” my amazed friend asked the driver, “have you always served customers like this?”

Wally smiled into the rear view mirror. “No, not always. In fact, it’s only been in the last two years. My first five years driving, I spent most of my time complaining like all the rest of the cabbies do. Then I heard someone tell this story that changed my life. 

That if you get up in the morning expecting to have a bad day, you’ll rarely disappoint yourself. So, “Stop complaining! Differentiate yourself from your competition. Don’t be a duck. Be an eagle. Ducks quack and complain. Eagles soar above the crowd.”

“Well, that hit me right between the eyes,” said Wally. “This was really talking about me. I was always quacking and complaining, so I decided to change my attitude and become an eagle. I looked around at the other cabs and their drivers. The cabs were dirty, the drivers were unfriendly, and the customers were unhappy. So I decided to make some changes. I put in a few at a time. When my customers responded well, I did more.”

“I take it that has paid off for you,” Harvey said.

“It sure has,” Wally replied. “My first year as an eagle, I doubled my income from the previous year. This year I’ll probably quadruple it. You were lucky to get me today. I don’t sit at cabstands anymore. My customers call me for appointments on my cell phone or leave a message on my answering machine. If I can’t pick them up myself, I get a reliable cabbie friend to do it and I take a piece of the action.”

Wally was phenomenal! He was running a limo service out of a Yellow Cab. I have probably told that story to more than 50 cab drivers over the years, and only 2 took the idea and ran with it; whenever I go to their cities, I give them a call. The rest of the drivers quacked like ducks and told me all the reasons they couldn’t do any of what I was suggesting. Wally the Cab Driver made a different choice: He decided to stop quacking like ducks and start soaring like eagles.  

Each day you have a choice: Get up in the morning expecting to have a bad day or get up expecting a wonderful day. The old saying, “Smile and the whole world smiles with you” can be true if you decide each morning to make the best of the day ahead. And remember – Ducks Quack, Eagles Soar!

~Author Unknown

Allen Tanner is a Chaplain and Crisis Counselor.  He is the founder and CEO of Chaplain & Counseling Services Inc. in Nashville. He is an inspirational and motivational speaker who speaks on a variety of topics. For more information contact Allen at:  chaplaintanner@yahoo.com, www.chaplaintanner.blogspot.com